What are you postponing?

Stop waiting to be ready. You become ready by doing it. A prod from the universe and Amie McNee.

Hello you,

This letter has been struggling to come out. Ultimately, I think I’m scared to write it.

I’m just going to rip off the plaster and show you what’s underneath right now.

I really want to write a book. Multiple books, in fact.

But after years of trying, I still haven’t finished.  

Painful.

I am going to re-commit. I am going to finish my book.

And breathe.

I’m all good.

On Sunday, whilst I was recovering from what I didn’t know at the time was Covid, I propped my laptop on my duvet and tuned into a masterclass with Amie McNee. (If you’re a writer, artist or any kind of creative, she’s a must-follow).

The prompt she posed to us live attendees was;

“What are you postponing?”

I wasn’t really feeling the topic and couldn’t think of anything. I listened, let Amie’s words land and I followed along with what other artists vulnerably shared in the chat.

It’s fair to say my mind became a full-on Disneyland fireworks display of realisations.

“The ways we postpone our art can be so sneaky,” Amie gently told us. She regularly reminded us in her soft, supportive way not to judge what was coming up.

But HOLY S**T.

I realised I have been postponing writing books, without even consciously knowing it.

I completed a draft of my novel in progress in May 2023 and what have I done with it?

One of Amie McNee’s Instagram notes. “It’s time. It’s time for finishing touches. It’s time for a release date. It’s time to let people see you. It’s time to stop hoarding your art.”

I have even been working behind the scenes on a new service offering which is very closely related to stories and writing books. But it is not actually *writing books*.

When another generous artist shared in the chat that she had started a whole creative coaching business (which was going very well) as a way of postponing her true creative calling, I felt like they had shown me my own soul. She also described a feeling of euphoria now that she is working on her actual creative dream.

Julia Cameron talks about this in The Artist’s Way. She calls it being a ‘shadow artist’.

“Very often audacity, not talent, makes one person an artist and another a shadow artist–hiding in the shadows, afraid to step out and expose the dream to the light, fearful that it will disintegrate to the touch.” – Julia Cameron.

I then worried that writing here on Substack, which I’ve been getting so much out of, was part of this postponement. But Amie soothed me with an excellent point.

Writing and crucially, finishing, a piece each week is an excellent strategy. I am building up evidence to prove to my brain that I am a person who writes, finishes what I write and shares what I write.

I essentially feel like I’ve attempted to run a marathon again and again. I’ve trained properly, I’ve done all the right things, I’ve read all the guidance. But whenever I set out to complete the distance, I stop at 24 miles.

I just stop.

My body and mind won’t let me finish, even though I can almost see the line.

A sneaky belief that I’m just ‘not someone who can finish at the moment’ has replaced the dream that burned in my belly for so many years.

Perhaps I have been waiting. Waiting for a time when it all clicks into place and I become Janelle the author. When I’m ready, I will put this book out. Write another and publish that one. And so on.

But again, Amie’s words shook me.

“Stop waiting to be ready. You don’t become ready by waiting. You become ready as you take action. You become ready as you’re doing the thing you’ve been postponing.”

I left the session feeling absolutely wired. A hint of disappointment but mainly excitement.

I was grateful that I’d had a MASSIVE PROD from the universe to remind me that;

My name is Janelle Hardacre and I am an author. I am someone who writes books. I am someone who finishes books. I am someone who releases books into the world. (Part of me still doesn’t believe this but I’m still going to put it here.)

“It’ll take so long to write a book// The years will pass anyway.”

Because of this prod, I have paid a deposit for an editor. I’ll be sending my manuscript to her at the end of this month. I also know that accountability is my rocket fuel, so a dear friend and I have agreed to be accountability buddies.

I am not ready. But I am doing it anyway.

And now here is my invitation to you, dear one. What is it that you’re postponing? Are you waiting until you feel ready?

If you’d like to share, please do in the comments. This is a big question, I know! But it can be incredibly comforting to know we are not alone.

Finally, I’ll leave you with a line I discovered in the excellent book I’m currently reading – I Belong Here – A Journey Along the Backbone of Britain by Anita Sethi. (affiliate link)

“You make your own path as you walk”

From the poem Traveler, your footprints by Antonio Machado

Take care and have a creatively fulfilled week 🌿✨

Janelle x