Hope you’re feeling better, Janelle. Seems like the good thing is the time it’s allowed you for this epiphany.
I feel similarly to you. My memoir draft is sitting in the equivalent of a dusty folder on my desktop. I’ve been waiting for *that* specially magical moment when all the ducks are in a row and it’s time for the next step. I’m reality that isn’t ever going to come.
I write every day but not to any specific end, just to write. You’re right, this is a marathon that doesn’t end -- the miles go by anyway :)
My own Substack was a way to beat the postponement that’s been happening for years, and it does help!
So glad you’ve found your momentum to push forward .
I really think it has been good. Also in my day job, too. A forced pause is sometimes exactly what we need.
Thank you for sharing that. It definitely helps to know this is a common place for creatives to be, especially with long projects. I imagine with memoir there are even more inner critic stories going on because it's so incredibly personal and vulnerable. But it's such a generous thing to put it out into the world and invite people to connect with it.
Yes! Exactly -- an inner battle with such personal content. I also realise now that some sections within that first draft were written when I was particularly angry at someone. Not a great thing to publish! It’s like shopping when you’re hungry -- counterintuitive 😁 You’re definitely not alone.
This is interesting too! Because, as I also wrote in my notebook, sometimes there are valid and strategic reasons to postpone. Postponing isn't inherently a bad thing. It's just reflecting with ourselves what the motivation behind it is.
I’m postponing writing books too. I finished a first draft of a novel and even had some people read it. But the thought of going back to it and editing, making it better felt too much.
I started writing my story last year but it some times feels like trying to get blood out of stone. A lot of feelings of “Who is actually going to care? Who am I to write a memoir!”
It’s just fear. Fear of being seen, fear of failure, fear of succeeding, fear of vulnerability.
I really relate to the person who said that set up a coaching business instead of actually going for their creative dreams. I think that is encouraged by a lot of people though! I went on a writing course where I was told no one makes a lot of money from books so I would have to run a course or a Facebook group or something. It depressed me so much and I spent ages thinking about what course I could run instead of writing or being creative.
Thank you so much for sharing some of your journey, Becky.
This could be from my own journal! I so appreciate you sharing because it's so tempting to compare to all the people who have completed and published books.
Congratulations on finishing your novel draft. That is a huge achievement. But I also know how 'far' that can feel from the actual finished product. I also can relate so so much to the mountain of editing and revising. I've been chipping away then avoiding, chipping and avoiding for years. It's doesn't feel good! But, I'm not comfortable with just putting it away. And I'm not feeling good about it stagnating. So I only have one other choice really! :')
I soo hear you on inner monologue around your memoir too. And I agree, it's all rooted in fear isn't it.
I've been trying to 'figure out' what I'm doing quite a lot this year. And this session just really reminded me that underneath it all, writing books is what I want to do.
As Amie says 'the time will pass anyway'. If I had to choose what I would very most like to spend my time on, it would be this.
I could either spend my best time and energy on trying to create a course or something, as we're so often encouraged to do. Or I could spent it on writing books.
There is no possible way I'll ever make a penny from books if I don't actually have any out there!
It's all so huge and I think as we navigate it all we need to take care of ourselves, show ourselves compassion and figure out our 'why' with it all.
Such a well written and thoughtful article. I decided the other week to postpone postponing. I am not trying to be sarcastic I just thought, I am the only constant what am I waiting for, crack in! 🥳
That's brill! Let's just dive in. (Easier said than done but you've set the intention now!)
I'm looking forward to exploring your archives. Loving the nostalgia! I used to live in Chorlton so there's an animation connection :)
If you're ever looking for suggestions...Trap Door, Penny Crayon, Family Ness, Oaky Doke, Poddington Peas. These are some which stand out from my past!
Thank you so much for replying. I too loved Family Ness and the brilliant Wille Rushdon on Trap Door. I had forgotten the the others & have now added them to my growing list. Thanks again 🤩
We are most definitely vibing today, Janelle. As you know, I feel so much of this and am wondering reading the other comments on your letter whether it speaks to something still lodged within the experience of women creatives specifically.
It's somehow 'easier' to define 'little me' as the coach, the teacher, the short form creator than position ourselves as important enough to write and publish full-length works, maybe? I'm not saying that we're all crippled by doubt and self-deprecation but maybe there is something in this...
oof this is so interesting, Lindsay. I bet there is something in this.
Someone else was also saying that they feel like they're not 'allowed' to make their art. Like it's self indulgent etc and this resonated with me.
The roles you mention above have something to do with helping, supporting, serving others.
Even though our long works very well could provide benefits and value to someone, are we waiting for some kind of permission to work on them? (Speaking for myself here!)
Thank you for this wisdom Janelle and sharing your innermost feelings/experiences as they have surfaced, it is both relatable and inspiring.
I am still unpicking stuff around sharing my voice and having enough to say that is of interest to others! (That sounds insecure, which I am not but think these feelings seem to be underlying somewhere every time I press ‘Publish’!)
Anyway, Amie’s workshop sounds great and I loved all the points about making your path as you go and starting before you are ready as that is the only way to become ‘ready’!
Absolutely! And I like the thought that all information is useful. Even if it feels like no one has connected with what we've said or if we get some push back, we can try to see this as info that we can learn from rather than such a personal rejection.
I can't wait to see your book come to life. What a beautiful way to share yourself with the world. I've been postponing my Substack writing a lot this past month. I have loads of ideas, but find it very difficult to show up. I'm hoping to find a flow here that works for me.
I have not been here for a while and here you are reminding (me and you and others) and remembering and recommitting to that thing that is what it is all about!! I am so excited by your commitment to your work and really look forward to reading your book(s). :D
I met with my 'creative friend,' who shared The Artist's Way and Walter Mosley's This Year You Write Your Novel with me. I devoured Mosley and burned through two packs of Post-it flags in the process. (My copy is on the way.) I have taken Mosley's advice of "write every day" to heart, and I feel it is bearing fruit.
Thank you for reminding me to keep going, and also dig into the Artist's Way as soon as possible.
“I really want to write a book. Multiple books, in fact.
But after years of trying, I still haven’t finished.
Painful.
I am going to re-commit. I am going to finish my book.”
I am in this place too. I keep finding more reasons to stall. I appreciate the reminder that the weekly writing helps the book writing but there are still so many other ways to stop. I don’t even know what to do once my book is complete, but I keep telling myself if I complete it, I’ll figure it out. I know what to do in my garden because I spend time in my garden. I need to start following my book.
Ooh Mary I really feel this. Especially thinking about what happens 'next' when we've actually finished. All the different directions and the things to learn can be paralysing.
Good luck with your commitments. I hope you find them freeing.
In the days after writing this I'm excited and feeling different, in a good way, towards writing. I'm really hoping this continues! But I'll keep coming back to why I want to do this. There are a million reasons not to but I also have a million reasons to keep going.
I feel incredibly seen by this. There are still a lot of things I'm postponing, and I'm going to consider this an invitation to get them moving! The use of the language of hoarding feels particularly relevant to me as that's one of the things I've been writing about... so there's deffo some process mirroring content (or vice versa!) in that one. Beautifully written as always, thank you for sharing. And hope you're on the mend!
Loads better thanks, Jane. I hope you're recovering too.
Sometimes it just takes the right nudge or framing doesn't it. I think I'm still processing this question tbh. It's been a huge wake up moment!
That's great that it's shifted something for you, too. I'm excited for you that maybe some of these creations you've been resisting may now have their rightful moment.
This is such a relatable post. I always thought it was ‘just me’ but as it transpires it’s nearly all creatives.
I’ve been writing a fiction book for 12 years. A memoir is drafted out ready to write. Yet, here I am reading other people’s eye opening posts and wondering why I still can’t?
I also follow Aimee and she’s fabulous. I’m not a part of any writing groups and am new to Substack and learning the ways and how to grow and connect. Be found.
Oh I massively feel you! And whenever someone else shares this it definitely makes me feel less like 'what's wrong with me'.
Amie has helped me hugely! Helping me to realise the stories that run so so deep and stifle us from creating at all or from sharing. I've still got a way to go but I'm so grateful for the revelations she's helped me to realise.
I totally get why you feel the way you do. Creating is so vulnerable and then sharing it is another layer.
But as Amie says we have been called to do this! It's generous to share.
Substack is such a great community and can be a place to find support when we do the courageous thing of putting out our work.
Best of luck with the next stage and I really hope you can overcome some of those blocks. The world needs your stories!
Yes! Wonderful post and good on you for following through after epiphanies! I followed through yesterday with a Substack post that I was afraid to write because it was only questions and very few answers. I wasn't allowing my post to live because I hadn't worked out any answers. But by writing... and posting finally... I was able to process what I had so far and fine-tune my questions and my search. Would love if you would comment. It's asking how art and specifically self expression and consuming fictional works aids psychological development and transformation.
Wonderful to see you here! Thank you for engaging with my questions. I'm glad I bit the bullet and posted, with a bit of prodding from posts like yours! And, yes to the mind buzz. I am hopeful that the hive mind of creatives on Substack can help shed more light on how art impacts our emotional and psychological development!
stumbled through a wormhole in substack to arrive here. I can relate to what you said about not finishing a book, I wrote a book as well and stopped in June of 2023, I have about 30,000 words written of a deeply personal memoir that I would one day like to publish.
I started an edit of the rough draft, it was emotionally overwhelming to dig back into something which helped me heal, and I do think that one day I will publish the book when the time is right, but I think I could have the book polished and ready to go for that day.
I love my weekly posting on substack and the feeling of satisfaction of successfully writing, editing, and publishing for the world to read on a weekly basis. Thank you for the encouragement and insight on this particular topic.
I love this and can very much relate to it! I postpone a lot by reading more and trying to “learn”. Feel like I equally need to get on board the JFDI train, this might just be the prod I needed! Thank you!
I LOVE to see your contract. Today feels like a great day to get this signed.
[My name is Janice Hardacre and I am an artist. I am someone who paints pictures. I am someone who finishes paintings. I am someone who releases paintings into the world.]
Thank you for sharing your experiences and that does sound painful.
I don't know your age but do you think that's true that "it's too late to get really good at my art"?
I think that would be a good statement to investigate a bit. What is 'really good' anyway? Who decides this?
I've read/ got quite a few of those books. I bet you're feeling fired up after reading these!
The next step is the best and scariest bit. Making the art!!
Hope you’re feeling better, Janelle. Seems like the good thing is the time it’s allowed you for this epiphany.
I feel similarly to you. My memoir draft is sitting in the equivalent of a dusty folder on my desktop. I’ve been waiting for *that* specially magical moment when all the ducks are in a row and it’s time for the next step. I’m reality that isn’t ever going to come.
I write every day but not to any specific end, just to write. You’re right, this is a marathon that doesn’t end -- the miles go by anyway :)
My own Substack was a way to beat the postponement that’s been happening for years, and it does help!
So glad you’ve found your momentum to push forward .
Soo much better, thank you Nat.
I really think it has been good. Also in my day job, too. A forced pause is sometimes exactly what we need.
Thank you for sharing that. It definitely helps to know this is a common place for creatives to be, especially with long projects. I imagine with memoir there are even more inner critic stories going on because it's so incredibly personal and vulnerable. But it's such a generous thing to put it out into the world and invite people to connect with it.
Yes! Exactly -- an inner battle with such personal content. I also realise now that some sections within that first draft were written when I was particularly angry at someone. Not a great thing to publish! It’s like shopping when you’re hungry -- counterintuitive 😁 You’re definitely not alone.
This is interesting too! Because, as I also wrote in my notebook, sometimes there are valid and strategic reasons to postpone. Postponing isn't inherently a bad thing. It's just reflecting with ourselves what the motivation behind it is.
Yes, I like that 🙌
I’m postponing writing books too. I finished a first draft of a novel and even had some people read it. But the thought of going back to it and editing, making it better felt too much.
I started writing my story last year but it some times feels like trying to get blood out of stone. A lot of feelings of “Who is actually going to care? Who am I to write a memoir!”
It’s just fear. Fear of being seen, fear of failure, fear of succeeding, fear of vulnerability.
I really relate to the person who said that set up a coaching business instead of actually going for their creative dreams. I think that is encouraged by a lot of people though! I went on a writing course where I was told no one makes a lot of money from books so I would have to run a course or a Facebook group or something. It depressed me so much and I spent ages thinking about what course I could run instead of writing or being creative.
Thank you so much for sharing some of your journey, Becky.
This could be from my own journal! I so appreciate you sharing because it's so tempting to compare to all the people who have completed and published books.
Congratulations on finishing your novel draft. That is a huge achievement. But I also know how 'far' that can feel from the actual finished product. I also can relate so so much to the mountain of editing and revising. I've been chipping away then avoiding, chipping and avoiding for years. It's doesn't feel good! But, I'm not comfortable with just putting it away. And I'm not feeling good about it stagnating. So I only have one other choice really! :')
I soo hear you on inner monologue around your memoir too. And I agree, it's all rooted in fear isn't it.
I've been trying to 'figure out' what I'm doing quite a lot this year. And this session just really reminded me that underneath it all, writing books is what I want to do.
As Amie says 'the time will pass anyway'. If I had to choose what I would very most like to spend my time on, it would be this.
I could either spend my best time and energy on trying to create a course or something, as we're so often encouraged to do. Or I could spent it on writing books.
There is no possible way I'll ever make a penny from books if I don't actually have any out there!
It's all so huge and I think as we navigate it all we need to take care of ourselves, show ourselves compassion and figure out our 'why' with it all.
Such a well written and thoughtful article. I decided the other week to postpone postponing. I am not trying to be sarcastic I just thought, I am the only constant what am I waiting for, crack in! 🥳
Thank you, Jon! I really appreciate this.
That's brill! Let's just dive in. (Easier said than done but you've set the intention now!)
I'm looking forward to exploring your archives. Loving the nostalgia! I used to live in Chorlton so there's an animation connection :)
If you're ever looking for suggestions...Trap Door, Penny Crayon, Family Ness, Oaky Doke, Poddington Peas. These are some which stand out from my past!
Thank you so much for replying. I too loved Family Ness and the brilliant Wille Rushdon on Trap Door. I had forgotten the the others & have now added them to my growing list. Thanks again 🤩
Brill! Look forward to learning more about them and the trip down memory lane
We are most definitely vibing today, Janelle. As you know, I feel so much of this and am wondering reading the other comments on your letter whether it speaks to something still lodged within the experience of women creatives specifically.
It's somehow 'easier' to define 'little me' as the coach, the teacher, the short form creator than position ourselves as important enough to write and publish full-length works, maybe? I'm not saying that we're all crippled by doubt and self-deprecation but maybe there is something in this...
oof this is so interesting, Lindsay. I bet there is something in this.
Someone else was also saying that they feel like they're not 'allowed' to make their art. Like it's self indulgent etc and this resonated with me.
The roles you mention above have something to do with helping, supporting, serving others.
Even though our long works very well could provide benefits and value to someone, are we waiting for some kind of permission to work on them? (Speaking for myself here!)
Thank you for this wisdom Janelle and sharing your innermost feelings/experiences as they have surfaced, it is both relatable and inspiring.
I am still unpicking stuff around sharing my voice and having enough to say that is of interest to others! (That sounds insecure, which I am not but think these feelings seem to be underlying somewhere every time I press ‘Publish’!)
Anyway, Amie’s workshop sounds great and I loved all the points about making your path as you go and starting before you are ready as that is the only way to become ‘ready’!
I very much look forward to reading your book x
Thanks for the lovely comment, Lyndsay. It's great that something that helped me as I wrote it is resonating with someone else too.
"having enough to say that is of interest to others." I relate to this and I hear this from lots of other creators too.
A great point was made that we find out if it's of interest to others by putting it out there...
"The only way we get to know is by doing it" (Another line from my notebook).
The fact is that you *are* pressing publish which is courageous and generous!
Glad to hear I am not alone in this...Thanks for your encouragement, yes each 'Publish' is empowering and is a step in the right direction x
Absolutely! And I like the thought that all information is useful. Even if it feels like no one has connected with what we've said or if we get some push back, we can try to see this as info that we can learn from rather than such a personal rejection.
I can't wait to see your book come to life. What a beautiful way to share yourself with the world. I've been postponing my Substack writing a lot this past month. I have loads of ideas, but find it very difficult to show up. I'm hoping to find a flow here that works for me.
Thank you so much, Leslie.
I really relate to that feeling you have about having a flow of ideas but such a block to executing them.
I hope you can find a way to allow yourself some freedom to explore them. Easier said than done I know!
How absolutely fantastic!!
I have not been here for a while and here you are reminding (me and you and others) and remembering and recommitting to that thing that is what it is all about!! I am so excited by your commitment to your work and really look forward to reading your book(s). :D
Aww thanks Nicola <3 <3 <3
I see so many parallels to my past month here.
I met with my 'creative friend,' who shared The Artist's Way and Walter Mosley's This Year You Write Your Novel with me. I devoured Mosley and burned through two packs of Post-it flags in the process. (My copy is on the way.) I have taken Mosley's advice of "write every day" to heart, and I feel it is bearing fruit.
Thank you for reminding me to keep going, and also dig into the Artist's Way as soon as possible.
This is great to hear, Steve. Thanks for sharing and I'm glad the reminder helped.
I've never actually got past the first few days of the Artist's Way! But I think I will do it at some point. I like morning pages and artist's dates.
Keep going and wishing you all the best with your writing.
“I really want to write a book. Multiple books, in fact.
But after years of trying, I still haven’t finished.
Painful.
I am going to re-commit. I am going to finish my book.”
I am in this place too. I keep finding more reasons to stall. I appreciate the reminder that the weekly writing helps the book writing but there are still so many other ways to stop. I don’t even know what to do once my book is complete, but I keep telling myself if I complete it, I’ll figure it out. I know what to do in my garden because I spend time in my garden. I need to start following my book.
Ooh Mary I really feel this. Especially thinking about what happens 'next' when we've actually finished. All the different directions and the things to learn can be paralysing.
Good luck with your commitments. I hope you find them freeing.
In the days after writing this I'm excited and feeling different, in a good way, towards writing. I'm really hoping this continues! But I'll keep coming back to why I want to do this. There are a million reasons not to but I also have a million reasons to keep going.
It’s good to have a why and return to it. 🌻
I feel incredibly seen by this. There are still a lot of things I'm postponing, and I'm going to consider this an invitation to get them moving! The use of the language of hoarding feels particularly relevant to me as that's one of the things I've been writing about... so there's deffo some process mirroring content (or vice versa!) in that one. Beautifully written as always, thank you for sharing. And hope you're on the mend!
Loads better thanks, Jane. I hope you're recovering too.
Sometimes it just takes the right nudge or framing doesn't it. I think I'm still processing this question tbh. It's been a huge wake up moment!
That's great that it's shifted something for you, too. I'm excited for you that maybe some of these creations you've been resisting may now have their rightful moment.
This is such a relatable post. I always thought it was ‘just me’ but as it transpires it’s nearly all creatives.
I’ve been writing a fiction book for 12 years. A memoir is drafted out ready to write. Yet, here I am reading other people’s eye opening posts and wondering why I still can’t?
I also follow Aimee and she’s fabulous. I’m not a part of any writing groups and am new to Substack and learning the ways and how to grow and connect. Be found.
Really enjoyable piece thank you for sharing x
Thank you so much for your comment, Michelle.
Oh I massively feel you! And whenever someone else shares this it definitely makes me feel less like 'what's wrong with me'.
Amie has helped me hugely! Helping me to realise the stories that run so so deep and stifle us from creating at all or from sharing. I've still got a way to go but I'm so grateful for the revelations she's helped me to realise.
I totally get why you feel the way you do. Creating is so vulnerable and then sharing it is another layer.
But as Amie says we have been called to do this! It's generous to share.
Substack is such a great community and can be a place to find support when we do the courageous thing of putting out our work.
Best of luck with the next stage and I really hope you can overcome some of those blocks. The world needs your stories!
Yes! I love that you have committed to your dream and are making it happen! I believe in you!
This is so nice. THANK YOU, Rebecca. I believe in me, too!
Yes! Wonderful post and good on you for following through after epiphanies! I followed through yesterday with a Substack post that I was afraid to write because it was only questions and very few answers. I wasn't allowing my post to live because I hadn't worked out any answers. But by writing... and posting finally... I was able to process what I had so far and fine-tune my questions and my search. Would love if you would comment. It's asking how art and specifically self expression and consuming fictional works aids psychological development and transformation.
Thank you so much, Emily.
And well done for overcoming the need to feel 'ready' and posting it anyway.
It's such an amazing piece! My mind is now buzzing as I start to unpack your questions for myself.
I'll pop over and leave a comment but it's definitely a piece I want to sit with and reflect on too (please take this as a massive compliment!)
Wonderful to see you here! Thank you for engaging with my questions. I'm glad I bit the bullet and posted, with a bit of prodding from posts like yours! And, yes to the mind buzz. I am hopeful that the hive mind of creatives on Substack can help shed more light on how art impacts our emotional and psychological development!
https://open.substack.com/pub/thingsnoonecaresaboutbutme/p/lots-of-questions-but-mostly-why?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android&r=789qr
Hi Janelle,
stumbled through a wormhole in substack to arrive here. I can relate to what you said about not finishing a book, I wrote a book as well and stopped in June of 2023, I have about 30,000 words written of a deeply personal memoir that I would one day like to publish.
I started an edit of the rough draft, it was emotionally overwhelming to dig back into something which helped me heal, and I do think that one day I will publish the book when the time is right, but I think I could have the book polished and ready to go for that day.
I love my weekly posting on substack and the feeling of satisfaction of successfully writing, editing, and publishing for the world to read on a weekly basis. Thank you for the encouragement and insight on this particular topic.
I love this and can very much relate to it! I postpone a lot by reading more and trying to “learn”. Feel like I equally need to get on board the JFDI train, this might just be the prod I needed! Thank you!
Hello fellow J.Hardacre!
I LOVE to see your contract. Today feels like a great day to get this signed.
[My name is Janice Hardacre and I am an artist. I am someone who paints pictures. I am someone who finishes paintings. I am someone who releases paintings into the world.]
Thank you for sharing your experiences and that does sound painful.
I don't know your age but do you think that's true that "it's too late to get really good at my art"?
I think that would be a good statement to investigate a bit. What is 'really good' anyway? Who decides this?
I've read/ got quite a few of those books. I bet you're feeling fired up after reading these!
The next step is the best and scariest bit. Making the art!!
You've got this, Janice. I'm excited for you.