Asking yourself what you need
And then actually doing it š Why I go to bed at 9pm and book myself hotel rooms
Hello you,
How have you been this week? I hope that there have been moments where your shoulders dropped and you noticed something beautiful.
Iām very lucky to have had lots of those this week during my solo strolls around central London. (Yes, sometimes she does go to the city!)
Whilst in London, I was thinking about the things I do to meet my own needs vs doing things the most typical or obvious way.
And just in case you need this PSA. You can do this too. You are allowed and I very much encourage it.
Iāve realised that Iāve actually been doing this, gradually, over a period of many years.
A simple example is that I now go to bed at around 9/9.30pm each night. This is after years of going to bed at what I believed to be a ānormalā time. Every night Iād fall asleep in front of the TV and have to drag my zombie-like form to brush my teeth and get into bed, by which point Iād be awake again and struggling to drop off. And every morning Iād wake up feeling groggy and crap.
When I eventually realised that I could simply choose my own bed time that suited ME ā game changer!
I am so grateful to role models who have shown me that this is allowed. That we are all different. And that we can and should make adjustments accordingly.
E.g. Iām grateful for naps and not needing to feel shame for napping. (cc
and this brilliant comment thread about naps )I was visiting London to do one of my favourite ever things ā see a West End musical. (Hadestown ā it was fantastic!)
Despite musical theatre being one of the great joys of my life, Iāve learned that travelling to London, the sensory overwhelm of the city and the effort to get across the place completely drains me. And as Iāve got older Iāve become more anxious and averse to going.
Months ago, as my dear friends and I discussed potential plans to treat ourselves to a show, I asked myself; what would I need to make this trip work for me, so that I can fully enjoy it?
Thatās why I decided to spend extra money on booking myself into a Premier Inn hub for the night. Despite the fact I had multiple offers to stay with friends, I did this instead. My little room cost me Ā£111 and, reader, it was worth every penny.
Ā£111 is a lot of money. And itās a privilege to have the option to spend extra on hotel rooms that I technically do not need.
But my mindset has changed on this.
Instead of asking; is it frivolous to book myself into a hotel when I donāt really need to?
I ask myself;
Is it worth paying this money to not be anxious/ drained by going on lots of public transport?
Is it worth paying this money to have my own private solo space to recharge?
Is it worth paying this money to enjoy your trip so much more by removing some of the worry?
Big YESes.
If only Premier Inn had a loyalty scheme because Iāve become quite the regular since we moved to the countryside. Even when I can technically drive home from somewhere or stay with a friend, Iāll often book myself the room.
I know itās not for everyone. Sometimes Iāll mention this to someone and it boggles their mind.
āWhy on earth would you want to be in a hotel room on your own? Iād go stir crazy.ā
And thatās cool. We are all different. And we all have different needs.
recently wrote beautifully about accepting ourselves. Can we get more used to saying; āmaybe thatās just how you areā?And Iām grateful for
ās recent letter on ādoing nothingāIt also reminded me that, I can still do things but I can also ask myself how I can create more comfort or space around it so that I can cope with it better.
I now know that I need a lot of recovery and downtime (which some may see as doing nothing) so this letter resonated a lot.
āStriving for new experiences, going to new places, doing new things, just because they are available to me dishonours the slowness I frequently crave inside. The desire to be at home, in nature, and with the people I love.ā - Charlie Rewilding.
Some of the times I feel most loved are when my friends validate my needs or pre-empt them. Shout out to my friend Mollie who creates me a squishy āreading nookā in her spare room so that I can go off and be on my own when Iām staying at hers. THAT IS LOVE RIGHT THERE
I know that if Iād carried on doing everything the ātypicalā way or the way I saw others do it, Iād be pretty unwell by this point. So, again Iām very grateful to the role models, the permission-givers andā¦to myself.
What about you? When did you last check-in with yourself about your needs?
Is there something you can give yourself?
Your needs are very important too.
Signing off now. And Iām so glad I gave myself permission to write this in my PJs first, before tackling last nightās dirty pots.
I needed to.
Janelle x
I LOVE a hotel room on my own! A hot bath, room service, huge bed to myselfā¦whatās not to love?!
Also, early nights. If you need it, do it. Iāve gone to bed at 1930 before ā¤ļø Iām feeling quite drained today now, so itāll be an early one for me. If I donāt, it will affect my tomorrow. As if Mondays arenāt bad enough, you donāt want to tackle them tired too!
Yes, yes, yes to all of this! šš»
You planned your trip with your needs in mind and Iām certain you enjoyed it all the more for that kindness to yourself. A great reminder that we make our own lives work best for us, not for some imaginary version of ourselves.