Hello you,
How are you doing? It’s highly likely that you’ll say, alright thanks, how are you? And I’ll reply, yeah not too bad, thanks. (Classic). But how are you really?
I’m writing to you now (serenaded by a theatrical song thrush outside) with not a clue what I’m going to say.
Words have been flowing quite profusely, but sometimes writing is just about the act itself isn’t it? Not about sharing or even reading back.
How am I, really? I’m feeling delicate. There have been some joyous moments today, including a muddy, trainer thudding parkrun in the woods and a slow peruse of the library’s shelves.
Then, life happened. A message out of the blue about a loved one. Confusion, shock, worry, sadness. So many emotions clang and crash together until they become one big hum.
Isn’t it so tiring feeling all the things? After a burst of adrenaline where I packed a bag and planned to drive, I suddenly needed to lie down and haven’t really moved from this side of the bed since.
I’m trying to ask myself what I need right now. And whether I need some reminders.
Dearest Janelle;
There is no perfect way to be
It’s okay not to know what to do
Pause
Remember that lapwing you saw yesterday? How stunning its greenish, purplish feathers were and how the tuft on its head was flip flapping in the wind
You don’t have to be good
Try to stop scrolling because ‘THE ANSWER’ you’re searching for doesn’t exist (said with so much love)
Maybe you have answers within if you stop for a minute to listen
You’re allowed to have a nap
You’re allowed to not tidy up or cross things off your list
You have an amazing support network if you ever need it
You’re safe with him
You don’t have to post anything on Substack
You’re allowed to post a rambling, half-formed thing on Substack if you like
Going outside helps
Sticking your head out of the window helps
Cat therapy is real. Give him some more strokes and cuddles
What do you need right now? And do you need to gift yourself some reminders?
If you’ve read this far, thank you. This was mainly a notelet for myself but if it helped anyone else then that is a bit of magic right there.
Janelle x
P.S Free Palestine. Solidarity ❤️ Ceasefire now
Turns out you knew not only what to write, but what we needed to read! Thank you ✨🌱🙏🏼
Victor is a truly Excellent Cat. Isn't is just so comforting to have feline company?! I keep thinking I know what to write and beginning, then the sense I was trying to convey disappears. (I actually begun a post about the company of cats, but it threatens to turn into an extremely long essay, so is on hold.)
I really appreciate you sharing your reminders, especially looking for the answer in scrolling! I've been so aware recently of a kind of drive to keep on looking for something which IS NOT THERE in my phone - I'm hopping around digitally to try and escape the better and necessary 'sitting with' the difficulties of life. But that's harder. I also loved the reminder to remember seeing a lapwing and how lovely it was - how easily we fail to really dwell on the good things. Wishing you a productive pausing if you need it, and many cat cuddles.